Welcome.
If you asked me what I wanted to be growing up, I usually said “a teacher”. My mom, the most understanding and warm person I’ve ever known, set a high bar for what I believed teachers were. She taught elementary education in the years before my brother (and I) were born, demonstrating empathy and compassion with her students to an almost motherly level. My dad, on the other hand, is an ophthalmologist. He is the most intelligent person I know, not just in his work, but in the way he communicates with people. Somehow, he can be knowledgeable and trustworthy in all of the advice he gives medically and in the many eye surgeries he performs on a weekly basis, and balances that with being an extremely present father, a loyal husband to my mom, and the most fun guy to have at any social gathering. Watching the way my parents interacted with my brother and I, their friends, and the world for the past 21 years has taught me many things, but one thing has stuck: I want to be just like them.
I admire deeply the qualities that they have passed down to me. My mom’s warmth, empathy, creativity, and pretty brown eyes; and my dad’s intelligent drive, humor, and type A personality. It’s a blessing and a curse that I feel obliged to make lists in order to complete my daily tasks, but it keeps me sane. I find that my favorite parts of myself are the parts that remind me most of them. But while I spend countless hours in introspection on myself, I find it difficult to pinpoint how I want to contribute myself to society in my career.
When I began college at Syracuse University, I was initially more focused on adjusting to college life and moving across the country from my small town in the Bay Area to upstate New York than academics. I left my close knit group of high school friends who I had spent the entire summer with and I cried the whole way to New York. Looking back now, it was silly, because I was in for the coolest 4 years with people I didn’t know yet who would change my perspective on myself and on life in the best way. I wish I could tell my 17 year old self to soak up every moment.
I find myself to be a very nostalgic person. My older brother Owen and I have conversations about how we feel that we are more emotional than most people. Some might say this makes life more difficult, but we have come to see it as a strength. Moments hold more meaning because the emotional weight behind them is stronger. It’s almost as if I feel other people’s feelings as much inside myself. Music is also directly tied into this for us too. I have always been deeply moved by music. My parents can recall that when I was 3 or 4 years old, I would not let them play certain songs because the mere tone of a singer’s voice or the strum of a certain guitar would trigger me to instantly begin to sob. Now at 21, that still happens to me. But as I’ve grown up and matured, I have learned to regulate my emotions better and embrace my feelings. Sometimes it’s really nice to feel nostalgia and sadness. It grounds me, and reminds me that I am human.
When at Syracuse, I declared my majors in Marketing and Entrepreneurship and a minor in Psychology. I thought: I don’t really know what I’m going to do, but this will be a great degree to have. I’ll get a Bachelor of Science at the business school with double majors. Perfect. And I did just that. I worked hard in my classes, felt connected in school to my peers, and learned a lot. I even placed 5th out of 76 teams in the annual “Capstone Competition” for the business school, for a pitch as the CEO of a mock company my team created making eye drops to prevent eyes from stinging in chlorine and saltwater. Of course, the idea was inspired by my brother, a former water polo player, and my dad, the ophthalmologist. But even though I was successful academically, I felt really disconnected from what I was learning about. There was a large push to join the corporate world which felt really polarizing for me. As politics continued to negatively divide the world, it seemed that the business school was in its own bubble, encouraging students year after year to climb the corporate ladder. Make people above you more money, and make rich companies richer. What I thought had been a choice to combine analysis with creativity turned out to be antithetical for me. How could I leverage my degree that I worked so hard to achieve, while still contributing positively to society? Was my future career path ethical?
After further introspection, I remembered the essay I wrote that got me into Syracuse University in the first place. It was a story I wrote about my Nana (my mom’s mom) who passed on to me her passion and skill for baking. She passed away in 2019, but her legacy of hard work and love was ingrained in me. She made the kitchen a third space, detached from the monotony of home and the chore of work. She made the kitchen a place where creativity thrived and mistakes did not impair, they enhanced. Through a combination of interest, hard work, and possibly a genetic talent, cooking and baking came naturally to me, and everyone around me knew it.
My mom would generously allow me to use all of the flour and sugar we had, then of course nag me for not cleaning the dishes up properly after myself as I tested out dozens of new cookie recipes. There were always “too many sweets in the house” and my dad would bring back plates of brownies to work, return, and say that everyone just loved them. Baking was my first real passion, allowing me to feel creative and give something positive to people around me, two feelings that I realized I wanted most out of what I did in my life. Every winter, my mom and I would make our holiday “cookie boxes” with certain cookies our friends and family always looked forward to. Every time there was a chance, I’d volunteer to be the baker. Family birthdays, holidays, block parties, or random get-togethers with my grandparents on my dad’s side called for me to get into the kitchen and bake something special. It was a hobby for me.
I also recall myself having an entrepreneurial spark from a young age. In elementary school I got really into selling Girl Scout cookies (my mom was the “cookie mom”) and in middle school I spent a few years creating different intricate and creative types of slime, and sold them to my peers as well as on an Etsy website. I made a few hundred dollars, but it was more about the act of creation than the money for me. I just really enjoyed creating something for other people’s joy because that, in itself, brought joy to me. When COVID-19 happened in 2020, I leveraged my social media skills and created handmade bracelets to sell and donate the proceeds to charities for BLM and in support of the LGBT community. Projects like these felt like the natural thing for me to do. I never questioned it.
When I chose my majors in Marketing and Entrepreneurship I did so because of the great degree they would give me and my prior skillset. But looking back now, I guess I’ve always been an entrepreneur. So when you ask me now what I want to do in my life, that is just it. My goal is to combine my passion for creation in the kitchen with creating value for others. I’m not exactly sure what that path is for me yet, but I am really excited to see how it all unfolds as I develop my skills. My current dream job is to have my own private chef business. Maybe my career will look like that, or maybe I will be a chef, a baker, own my own restaurant, or start a catering company.
Before I studied abroad, I was convinced that I would stay on track to working at a company in Marketing. It was logical, attainable, and made sense for me at the time. I lined up a stellar internship at a top PR agency, and, if I did well, was on track to have a corporate job post-grad.
Then, I moved to Madrid and I lived with a host mom for three months who spoke exclusively Spanish. Life slowed down. My day-to-day focuses included where I could find cheap coffee, which lines to take on the Metro, and how to explain to my host mom in Spanish that I was going to take a trip to Portugal and that I don’t prefer to eat my fish cold for dinner. I watched as my host mom, Francis, talked on the phone loudly and constantly. She bought groceries on a daily basis, having long conversations with each neighbor she interacted with. She ironed clothes with curlers in her hair, and stayed out late at night playing poker or watching the opera with her best friends. My worldview expanded. I admired her love of life and her slow lifestyle. I began to value personal autonomy and work-life balance over a consistently high salary and a 9-5 job. I wondered why no one in the United States was living like this. The difference in culture changed my entire perspective, and I yearned to be part of it.
Francis was not the only person who changed my view of myself and the world. I had the opportunity to intern with an entrepreneur named Inma who has a boutique handbag company in Chinchón, a small town outside of Madrid. People there refer to her as the “mayor” because she knows everyone personally. She is fluent in English and Spanish, well-connected, determined, and above all a successful female entrepreneur. Inma is someone who truly embodies feminism. She does it all. It was incredibly cool to watch her navigate her business while I spent a few months with her, and even cooler to see the creativity she possesses. She was always coming up with new ideas. I thought: I could be like Inma, I could do this too.
Berta sealed the deal for me. I got lucky to have her as my Spanish teacher, as she was young (in her late 20s) and extremely kind, so we quickly became friends. I had Spanish class with her every morning while I studied abroad, and it was a small class of only around 10 students. I have always loved learning Spanish since I began in middle school, but she saw potential in me more than anyone ever had. Her encouragement made me work harder at it because I wanted to impress her and prove to myself that I could get really good at this second language. I practiced all the time. At the end of my semester, she expressed to me that she really saw me thriving in Spain and she told me I should stay. It felt a bit out of reach at the time, as when I studied abroad it was my first time ever being in Europe, but I couldn’t get the idea out of my head. If I didn’t try, I’d be missing out on adventure and learning beyond anything I could find if I stayed in the U.S.
And so, I am moving to Madrid for the next year of my life. The purpose of this blog is to share details of my life with those around me who I love and care about. My family, friends, former teachers, mentors, and anyone else who has a similar story to me. I can’t wait to bring my ideas to life as I learn more Spanish, meet more people, and explore new places.
Welcome to my blog and I can’t wait to show you what’s to come!
xoxo,
Caitlyn
Made From Scratch 